READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
