So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
