I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize