The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
