Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
