he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
