I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
