Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
