Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
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