and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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