just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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