i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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