He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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