Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
