Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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