Can i not drive my cunt home
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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