a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
