am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
