Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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