It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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