It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
