i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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