I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
