Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
