garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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