So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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