I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
