Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
