Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize