So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
