This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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