i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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