Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize