That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
