literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
