Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Randomize
