the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
