Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize