I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
