i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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