there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
