weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
