We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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