Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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