i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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