what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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