did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
