I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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