I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
