normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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