Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Randomize
