Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
