dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
