I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize