Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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