well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
