....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize