The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
