My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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