how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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