Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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