I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I need to sanitize my soul.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize