Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
