so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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