Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize
