If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
