Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
