thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
