So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
