I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
