So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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