the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize