she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
