I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
