oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
