I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize