I just saw a hot homeless man
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
