Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
