She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
