How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
