Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
