Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
