Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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