How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
