our cab driver is having phone sex.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
