Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
