Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
