go do what you do best...puke behind churches
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
