there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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