you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
