apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
