So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
