I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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