Responsibility does not care about your dick.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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