So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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