Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
