fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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