i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
