When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
