It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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