I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
