i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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