my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
