I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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