I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
