All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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