I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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