i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
