Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
