Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Is her dick bigger than yours?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I supernannyed him into submission
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize