So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
