she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
